Why it happens to me? -true story-

okay, first sekali entry ni dibuat bukan untuk meraih simpati, jauh sekali untuk menyangkal takdir Dia buat diri ini. Inilah kehidupan. Inilah kehidupan aku yg ingin aku kongsi. 

Time kecik2 dulu, aku selalu dpt sakit mata or in medical terms, allergic conjunctivitis. sometimes, even worse, I also got keratoconjunctivitis. kalau conjunctivitis biasa, selalu gak lah org kena, mata jadi merah n banyak taik mata kan? tapi kalau dah ada kerato kat depan tu means it involves cornea. Cornea ni satu layer kat depan mata kita, dia transparent and banyak sangat nerves. So, bila kita kene keratoconjunctivitis, kita akan rasa sakit and also sebab die salah satu structure yg refract light, kita jugak akan rasa sensitive to sunlight more than usual. 

waktu aku darjah tiga, peperiksaan penggal pertama, aku dapat no 2. Eh, bukan itu yg nak dihighlight kan. hehe. tapi bila akhir tahun, aku dapat no 16. 16 tau korang. menggeletar time nak bagitau kat abah. abah marah jugak la and suruh berhenti jadi pengawas sebab he thinks that was the reason for my bad result. But then my teacher called abah and she told him that I always miswritten what teacher wrote on the cupboard. She advised my abah to take me for an eye check up. Since that bermula lah kehidupan aku as specky girl. 

At that time, aku tak kisah pun. Stylo what. ehe. Kalau tak stylo plus comel, takkan la still ramai peminat ye dak? haha. But yg aku noticed my power keep increasing and I need to change my glasses frequently. Tapi even setiap bulan aku pergi jumpa Ophtalmologist pun, they still can't detect my problem. They keep saying that it is normal and due to my growth. 

Ya, it's a fact. Korang tahu tak time kite kecik2 dulu, kite semua adalah hyperope. Which means rabun yang disebab kan bola mata pendek. Bila kita membesar, bola mata kte akan memanjang and we'll be normal and then memanjang lagi smpai la kite jadi myope ataupun org panggil rabun jauh. benda ni akan terus increasing. Takda istilah yg bila pakai spec, power ko akan naik and naik and naik disebabkan spec. Tu semua outa oke? 

Alhamdulillah, when I was form one, an ophtalmologist had detected what is actually wrong with me. I have diagnosed as having keratoconus. KERATOCONUS. Masih ingat perkataan kerato di atas tadi? Ya, it involve cornea. And conus means that my cornea change to become a cone shaped cornea. Penyakit ni sangat jarang berlaku. satu dalam seratus ribu orang. And disebabkan tu jugak, aku yg masih form one ni tak berapa paham situasi aku. Yg aku tahu, vision aku makin blur and I can't see well when cikgu tulis kat whiteboard. And I need my friend to read for me while they writting. Yeah, I need that.. Thanks my friends especially Asmira yg banyak tolong aku dulu.

Penghidap keratoconus biasanya tak akan dapat vision perfect 6/6. Vision 6/6 tu ialah benchmark for optometrist setiap kali check power patients. Now, my vision with spectacle is 6/12. That means when all of you can see a letter at 12m, I can only see that letter when I moved to 6m. Which means nearer to the letter. Ini bermakna vision saya ialah separuh dari kamu semua. And it will getting worse. 

There is another optical devices that I can use to get better vision which is contact lenses. However it is not that contact lenses yg lembut2, kenyal2.. ade colour2 yg selalu korang tengok. Ini ialah hard contact lens and it only cover the cornea. So bila saya pakai, korang takkan nampak border contact lens tu kat mata putih saya. With this contact lens, vision saya ialah 6/9. Memang ada improvement. Tapi as I say, It is a hard lens, and cornea penuh dengan nerves so mata akan jadi tak selesa. And due to my allergies, mata sy tak boleh tolerate dengan contact lens ni. So my choice is only spectacle. 

Last week, Nono check power mata saya and guess what power saya dah mencecah 10D. Dalam bahasa pasar nya seribu. And silau saya sudah 5D ataupun 5 ratus. Orang normal selalunya silau paling tinggi pun seratus. Boleh bayangkan tak ketebalan spect saya. Yg sekarang ni pun dah tebal. And it hurts me everytime people said, tebalnya spek ko. Tebalnya spek ko. Ya, like I didnt know. 

Persetankan kata orang? Memang. Senang nak cakap tp susah bagi yg merasainya. Memang ada orang yg lagi teruk dari saya, yang tak boleh nmpak lnsung, yg hidup die just hitam all the time. Yg perlukan magnifier everytime dia nak membaca. Memang sy bernasib baik dari mereka. But the fact is I will also turn like them. My vision will getting worse in time.. And suddenly maybe I cant see at all. Nauzubillah. Time tu mungkin aku perlukan cornea baru. And time tu sebab aku tak dapat nak update blog ataupun hntar sms kat korang ataupun even nak dial nombor korang, please doakan aku selamat. Please doakan aku dpt melihat sebaik korang. And please don't leave me... 

p/s: If korang jumpa aku lepas baca post ni, buat mcm biasa je oke? :)